


I would like to bury myself with you

by K___Kelly



Series: I would... [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canonical Character Death, Episode: Dalen's Closet, F/M, I Will Go Down With This Ship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-01-25 02:27:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21348730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K___Kelly/pseuds/K___Kelly
Summary: Keyleth's thoughts and emotions during Vax's appearance at the de Rolo wedding.  I cried writing this, I hope you cry reading this.
Relationships: Keyleth/Vax'ildan (Critical Role), Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III/Vex'ahlia
Series: I would... [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1539013
Comments: 5
Kudos: 50





	I would like to bury myself with you

Scanlan makes the wish and a selfish part of her almost wishes it won’t come true. If he comes back then he’ll have to leave again, and it will hurt more than before. More than it hurts to remember the loss every time she jolts awake in the middle of night or turns over in the morning toward the empty side of her bed. She hasn’t stopped losing him, it’s just too… soon. She is still wavering between trying to forget the depth of his eyes and reassuring herself that she had memorized every line and edge of his face. She needs another moment to gather herself, to decide if she should stay there or walk away. Before she has a chance to decide, the shape of the Raven Queen appears and a dark figure steps from beneath her arm. Keyleth backs away, one, two, three steps. She bumps into someone. She turns and for an instant she locks eyes with Kima who shoots her a look of understanding, a lot of empathy coming from the gruff halfling. A hand reaches out to rest on her shoulder and she doesn’t even have to look to know its Allura’s.

“Keyleth dear, are you alright?”

“Please make me invisible, please make me disappear.”

She can hear the waver of hesitation in the arcanist’s voice.

“I think you’d regret that more than anything.”

“If she wants to disappear then make her disappear, can’t you see she’s hurtin’ Ally?”

Allura and Kima continue to whisper as Keyleth nervously chews her lower lip and watches Vex embrace him and…his voice comes out so strange, so terribly unlike him, unlike the way she remembers. She bows her head allowing her now shoulder length curtain of hair to obscure most of her face. Of course, it’s absurd to hope that she’s made herself any less visible, especially with the elaborate mantle suddenly weighing on her shoulders; suddenly heavier than before. The Voice of the Tempest’s mantle was not made for a bent form, but she cannot look up at him, not now.

_Oh please, Exandria, if you have ever cared about my fate devour me, bury me, don’t let him look this way, don’t let him see…_

Vex’s voice cuts through all of her swirling thoughts and fears.

“Turn around.”

He looks over and she can feel his gaze on her, she looks up slowly, simultaneously thanking and cursing Vex for sharing this moment with her.

He turns toward her, Kima and Allura move away unnoticed. His eyes lock on hers. He steps forward one, two, three, and kneels.

“Hail to the Tempest.”

That title will always carry a weight with it that she never thought she had the strength to carry but hearing it from him is so cold and crushing. Worse than Vorugal’s icy breath or Raishan’s merciless corrosion.

“Don’t be weird go hug her.”

Vex calls out behind him, he stands up and wraps his arms around her. For less than an instant she stiffens before she melts into his embrace. She can hear his voice whisper in her ear but there is a pang in her heart because she cannot feel the warmth of his breath.

“Hello, my love, my home, Zephrah blossoms under your boughs as I knew it would.”

Her tears are choking her, she buries her face in the soft down of the raven feathers on his cloak.

“It’s not the same without you.”

His hand gently rakes through her hair, the caress, so familiar, so comforting.

“It will not be.”

She pulls away from him to drag the back of her hand across her face in an attempt to stop the treacherous flow of tears that refuse to obey her. Keyleth the Voice of the Tempest holds dominion over the four elements; fire, wind, water, and earth bend to her will but the trickle of saltwater leaving trails across her face absolutely refuses to do her bidding. She looks down trying to hide them.

“How am I supposed to get over you if you keep sending ravens to me?”

She smiles at the ground and tries to blink away the tears long enough to look up at him. He cups a gentle hand under her chin and lifts her gaze, running a thumb across her cheek.

“I am imperfect, as are the gods”.

When he speaks the word imperfect his voice changes back to the one she knew, but only for an instant. Her eyes greet his with a watery smile and a nervous laugh.

“That was my poor attempt at humor. I’ll never get over you.”

_And I never want to._

“Nor I, but you will live, and your life will touch thousands.”

_It will touch thousands, for endless years that I never asked for. My life will continue I’ll watch everything and everyone I love pass out of my reach._

She leans her forehead against his, he’s so cold.

“Thanks to you.”

He had died or more accurately passed into the Raven Queen's realm, so that they could all live together, he surrendered everything for their future, but he had never asked her if she even wanted a future without him or any of them left in it. His next words are almost hesitant. 

“Your children…”

_No. Not without you. Not unless they have your eyes or your gait, your stance, your surety…_

She pulls away again only to reach out, pressing the back of her hand against his cheek the way she used to. He leans into it, the motion is familiar, but she still can’t bring back the warmth from before. She glances toward Vex who is clutching Percy’s hand with tears streaming down her face.

“I'll watch over hers and her, for as long as I live.”

His hand moves up to cover hers, he gently removes it and presses it to his lips so lovingly. All tenderness, no formality, but still deathly cold.

_He has to leave soon. He can’t stay long I’m sure. I have to prepare myself. I have to be okay with this…after this._

She tries to entangle herself from him and gestures back toward Vex and Percy.

“Speech.”

He doesn’t let go of her, not yet. He pulls her closer, tighter.

_Oh Exandria, I’m begging you please swallow us both, take us somewhere mortals are not indebted to gods._

_Zephrah will forgive me I’m certain._

_There’s someone else who’s strong enough to bear this burden._

_It can’t be me._

_Please._

Nothing happens. His arms are still wrapped around her and she hears him murmuring.

“I am far but not gone.”

A sob escapes, she can’t swallow it fast enough

“We know.”

He hasn’t let go.

“Forgive me.”

She breathes deeply, sensing the end. He lets go of her.

“There's nothing to forgive. Nothing. We get to go on, because of you. It's not taken lightly.”

He nods, the sadness in his eyes slowly fades to a distant familiarity. She feels cold now as well. And he walks away.

Anything else he says to the rest of Vox Machina is lost on her. After a few fleeting moments she watches his form scatter to the wind in a dramatic swirl of raven feathers . Vex mutters something half-hearted about boots. And Scanlan mentions that it was his last wish. She watches them all as they return to the ceremony, as Pike declares them man and wife. She smiles and congratulates them, but her lips form words that her pulse drowns out. She takes a deep shuddering breath and glances down across the cliffside briefly remembering her 1,000 foot plunge and her encounter with death.

As her mind wanders, she is startled to see that the wish’s magic is still lingering. She can see a black winged form in the distance, and she hears a voice that echoes through her soul.

** _My love, my home._ **

Selfishly, she imagines that she uses that last remaining fragment of Scanlan’s magic to wish that the ravens will never stop coming.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it leave a comment and kudos if you did! Also if you find a way to get Marisha Ray, Matthew Mercer and/or Liam O'Brien to see this (and you like my writing) that would be awesome! *shrugs* probably won't happen but one can certainly dream Also feel free to request fics in the comments no guarantees but I'm always looking for inspiration


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